Hittin' The Rubber Chicken Circuit With Danny Gans

So guess who walks into the club while sprawled out on the floor, wolfing back slop burgers with a drunken David Hasselhoff? Yeah, you guessed right. Was none other than Vegas' premier entertainer, Danny Gans. Angst-ridden pedophile. His ego is a big as his prostate, for God's sake! In any event, while on sabbatical from The Mirage, the greasy schlockmeister decided to grace my otherwise mundane existence and offer up the opportunity to tour with his entourage across the South. Well, you can bet dollars to deutschmarks that I galloped onto the bus to secure a ringside seat faster than a bandy-legged gelding running in the fifth race at Pimlico.

Meanwhile, an out of control "Hoff" assured everyone that the taste of burgers 'n bourbon would wash the taste of total defeat from his unruly mouth. And if not, the bitterness of his regurgitation surely would. Burp-slurping tragedy whore.